My nipple is on Facebook.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Did you just see the Batmobile???
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
