eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
