Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
