my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
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