I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
