I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
