Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
