I hate your face
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
