On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
