The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
