Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
