I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
