wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
