I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
