My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
