Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You know, be my cock's hype man.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Randomize
