THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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