am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
