Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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