she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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