Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
