I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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