I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
