do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
