I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
