No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
