I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
