i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
