Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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