You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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