We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
