there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
