I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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