i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Let's paint friendship bongs
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
