I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
