my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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