ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
