so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
