What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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