Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
