He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
