You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
