i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
