Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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