Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
