I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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