I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
