guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
