Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
