I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
